A Cheerful visit to the Island of Loneliness and Despair
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A Cheerful visit to the Island of Loneliness and Despair

“Days turn into weeks, weeks into months since leaving the shores and the one you thought would travel with you on this journey for life. But they are on their own separate course now, and you are alone. You have friends and family, but your bed seems very empty. Your day somehow less full. Your mind returns to past shores that no longer exist, and an island appears in the darkness with a tall lighthouse. Like a fly drawn to the light, you circle and land on the Island of Loneliness and Despair.”

Why in the hell would you visit this place on your journey? This stop is not a matter of choice or necessity, but for most, including me, you just have to stop there. Trust me, it is not for the postcards. This place is a barren desert. Nothing new will grow here. It’s hot as hell, and you seem to walk in circles muttering “woe is me” feeling like the fly, continually circling and banging your head against the light. The mythical answers you’re searching for as to the “why” will not be found here. Only a spiral of depression and angst. But you will visit.

Why am I here?

No, not the “big” question but one more for investigating why you can not move on from your past. The pain of loss and loneliness hurts. It keeps you awake at night, holds you in your bed in the morning, and follows you around all day at work. And repeats. For days. And sometimes months. 

I have memories of getting stuck in the shower. I’d sit on the floor, and just feel alone and sad until my chest hurt. It sucked.

Dying of Thirst Surrounded by Water

The weird thing about loneliness is that in a population of 7,714,576,923 (but who’s counting) we are surrounded by people. In the shower, not so much, but step outside and you have your family, friends, coworkers, and even that topknot guy at Starbucks who says hello.

Desert is another word for beach!

OK. Maybe that is not technically true, but you get my gist. You must get up and go outside. You must surround yourself with positive people in positive situations. I’m not talking group hugs at the nude beach or telling Mr. Top-knot about your life issues, your ex who left you, and your sob story. He probably also has one. It is just about connecting with others and shifting your focus from the negatives of what happened to the positives that can happen.

Heading Back Out to Sea

Only YOU can make the conscious decision to leave loneliness and despair. (As a note, depression is a real thing and you may also need to seek professional help.) That may be as simple as joining a club, church, or social venue to meet new people or making a point including a schedule to regularly hang out with old friends at a book club, sports event, or anything. Meeting for a social beer is also great. But be careful to not use it as an excuse to numb and blubber your tears into your best friend’s ear. This just results in staying longer in the desert. Instead head back out on your journey and adventure to your new positive and exciting future.

Love Thom & Mr. Top-knot

P.S. Make the decision to start fresh each day. Think positively and plan for your future. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? When do you want it to happen? And be realistic of what you think you’re ready for (I know half of you said astronaut…)

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About author

Thom Slade
Thom Slade 279 posts

“Healing for the broken hearted. A map, guide and community to move on positively/fantastically in life with a healthy beaming smile”
Thom. Thom is the originator and alter-ego of ivemovedon.com. Divorce Survivor, Single Parent, and now moving on to new adventures in Life. Follow his journey here every week, or on Instagram and Facebook.

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