Adventures on the high seas
“Avast ye Swabs… or something like that…you scream in a “piratey” voice to absolutely no one… Life aboard the HMS Rolling Solo is not so bad. You are the commander of your ship and destiny. You can sail wherever you want (depending on the alimony you may pay or receive), whenever you want (depending on your kids, cats or job…) Life on the high seas is full of adventure, except that you’re new at this so you’ve run aground a few times, held the map upside down and almost sailed of the edge of the world, and maybe awakened the Kraken. Setting course to life’s new destination ends up not being the straightest and maybe with a bit of pirating booty on the way.”
Post-divorce, things can get a little “normal.” After is in many cases a highly stressful, emotional, drama-filled divorce and the turmoil of not knowing what is going to happen next never mind the future. Where you’re going to live, child arrangements, and finance makes it seem impossible to focus past the “now.” So, life on the high seas can seem slow and monotonous some days. The adrenaline is gone, and the days are going back to a new normal of kids’ homework, packed lunches, work, and laundry. During the “new normal,” it can be easy to nod off course and steer towards the rocks.
Ship Wreck Coast – Look for the Lighthouses, Not the Sirens
Boredom can also lead to the desire for companionship and the lure of the “sirens” on the rocks (I’m sure there also male sirens… just google it). The same jagged coast that draws us also warns us with lighthouses. The opportunity to swipe right can just be to strong and lead to entering relationships before being ready. Instead take your time at sea, especially the first year, to build your relationships with your friends. Get involved in new activities to improve your well-being, meet new people, and make new friends with similar interests.
Look at it this way. You are a sexy beautiful, smart dude(tte) meeting some is not going to be hard. Jumping into your next relationship will take away from maybe your once in a lifetime “solo” voyage around the world. Yes, you could meet Mr. or Mrs. Right Siren and live happily ever after, but more likely you will end up on the rocks and not finish your adventure, never reaching your true destination. So, sail awhile. Listen to that terrible song by Christopher Cross, and sail, seek, learn and grow.
Sea of Regret – Can go on forever. Get over it.
“The past is the past” but also “History repeats itself” can leave one in a bit of a conundrum. How far and for how long do you focus on the who’s and why’s of your divorce? Focusing constantly and consistently will I believe lead you into a whirlpool of anger and sadness that is very hard to escape without becoming unbearably bitter. For me, the self-reflection worked more positively the further I got away from it. You need time for the wounds to heal, and constantly picking at them only leads to infection and slowing the process.
If there is one regret that I can now reflect on, it is the threat or use of the word “divorce” towards the end of my marriage. The “then why don’t you leave” conversations open up pandora’s box on your marriage commitment. It becomes just a word, and every time the box is opened, the more the “word” grows into a natural thought and progression. Like suggesting freedom, greener grass, or a “way out.” All marriages have issues. For me and my future, I know better communication is key and a passive-aggressive use of words is a door to another failed relationship.
Pirates, Shark Infested Waters, and Sea Monsters
Your high seas adventures will be full of new exciting and sometimes scary experiences. He are some of the things to keep an eye out for.
- Pirates – Someone always trying to steal your shit from the credit due at work to negative friends stealing your happy positive day. There is a reason they fly skull and crossbones… steer clear of bad people!
- Sharks – Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the dating pool. Take time and date yourself the first year, no matter how pretty the white teeth, they circle and bite!
- Sea Monsters are creatures from your past. Watch your words especially around your ex or you may Awaken the Kraken!
- Lost in the Bermuda Triangle – Beware of hanging out in places with no stars to guide or wind for your sails. Vegas may be great for the weekend, but a week can take your treasure and ability to move forward.
- Stuck on Rinse & Repeat in The Whirlpool from Hell – Don’t expect different results by doing the same negative things or hanging around with the same people. Get out there and try something new!
Course Correction = Navigate = Re-calibrate = Revise = Reset
I’ve lost the “stars” many times as I have journeyed. Visited islands and oceans that were not on my course. I’ve learned and lost and lost and learned. You are your own captain, and also first mate, cook, and engineer. You have the power to chart your course, set the pace, and reach your goal. Mistakes and off-map excursions will be made. It is ok to forgive yourself and the past, but you will not forgive yourself in the long run if you give up on your true journey and short change yourself on reaching your destination.
With Love from the journey and a few detours,