Are You Emotionally Unavailable?
Errr. Just nobody. The house is empty.
Are YOUR lights on and no one’s home?
Are you emotionally unavailable?
During a recent deep discussion on relationships with the highly intellectual & World Traveler, Mr. Trout (you can download more of his genius and wisdom as a frequent guest on our podcasts). We solved most of the Worlds issues over a couple of pints and landed on the topic of dare I say it… “Relationships”. In particular, being ready,brave or dumb enough to enter into a new long term romantic one that could possibly result in the “M” word being uttered.
So, when is the time right?
Ice Age – “When Hell Hath Frozen Over”
I mean really? You just surfaced from near drowning after years with “the One”. It didn’t work. In fact it sucked your life, soul, and finances, and you want to do that again? Are you completely loony? Maybe. Probably. But “Time” is the great healer both in the thawing of the heart and also the point in your life where your at.
Your physical age and the time that the divorce takes place in your life can effect if or when you entertain the “C” word. Not a hundred years ago, not re-marrying might mean starvation… but today Oliver Twists mum might have more options and less need to be dependent on another.
But do you want to die alone? Wow that’s morbid. Sorry but a reality shock for some. Either through sickness or just being at the more mature stage of life makes one wonder more the need for help, love and avoid loneliness. Discussing this topic with others was very interesting as the age of the individuals involved certainly effected the thoughts on the want and need for a long term relationship and to re-marry. Not that decisions should be made solely on who can feed you soup at some point and if it tastes good, but seeing my own father pass away alone does make one think about life and death alone.
“Hell might not freeze over, but skating solo is not as much fun especially when there’s no one around to catch you mid jump in a couples competition.”
The Slight Thaw – Lights are on but no one’s home. Emotionally unavailable.
Have you ever seen the movie “Jerry Maguire” with Tom Cruise? There is a scene where the main character is surprised at his own bachelor party by a video made by all his past failed loves. One in particular says “great at friendship, bad at intimacy”. It’s probably an issue in its self that I remember that scene… but it does define many who just don’t know how to become emotionally available. I think many people suffer post divorce with being unable to open up and trust again. They become for a while emotionally unavailable. Some days my own walls feel bigger than the ones Trump wants to build… Designed to keep my real emotions in, protect and deflect possible relationship depth and keep out those that could hurt me again. When you meet a new caring, genuine “real”person, it takes time, brick by brick, to lower the wall and let someone in. Time is the only healer and it takes a lot of courage and a decision to not continue to build and reinforce our walls.
The Burning Desert of Being in Love -Becoming emotionally available
At some point you will make a decision that the “risk reward” value has shifted and it is time to lower your guard and make yourself available to love again.
Three Steps to put out your Welcome Mat & Move on
- Take the risk – No risk No reward – “Tis Better to have loved and lost than Never have loved at all”
- Get outside your comfort zone – be available in public. No not streaking the neighborhood, but get involved with your passions, meet new people and put yourself “out” there to and open to long term relationships.
- Be open to the “M” or “F” or “C” word (Author note – as a definition the M word does not stand for Madness or Murder and the F word is not four letters but could be fun or future. And of course C is for Commitment)
Where are you on your journey to being able to love and be loved again? Need Help? An ear to confide in or a guide to discuss the what and why of where you are? Give one of our Coaches and Guides a call. Or drop “Ask Thom” a note and the team will do what we can to join you on your journey,
With Love & hopefully “You had me at hello”,
P.S. – Get a book and read up on the subject –
P.P.S. OK for the romantic out there. Well I could find the “Jerry” bachelor party scene so… just go ahead and buy the movie already…. “You had me at Hello”.
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