Ask Thom

Ask Thom

Dear Thom,

I have just broken up with my highschool sweetheart after 6 years. We had a wedding planned but things just didn’t work and she broke up with me. I am really heartbroken and believe that I will never love someone like her again and I will never get married to anyone else. What do I do?

 

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2 Comments

  1. Thom Slade
    May 08, 22:12 Reply
    Dear Victormiz, You are correct that you will never love someone exactly like her again. For whatever the reasons it was not meant to be. The positive is that there is someone out there that is. Sounds like you’re in your early 20’s. So my advice is simple. To move past your heartbreak you have to “moveon” yourself. Get out there and meet new people. Try a new sport or activity. Fresh people and new groups will open your world to feeling and new things to get passionate about and possibly a new someone to love. Moping about the past will not bring it back, and usually drives that person further away. So get up, and get out there. Not to a new relationship but to finding yourself and your passions and let us know how things go in the next 2-3 months. If you’re in college, check out a new class that you would not usually take such as photography or learn to dive… If you’re out of school check out your local YMCA and try something you’ve not done before like Yoga or a rec basketball team. Best of luck, Thom
  2. Bobby de Ortega
    May 10, 18:35 Reply
    Victor, It's not good hearing about your recent luck, or about how badly it's got you feeling. The first thing that I would do, if I were in your heart-broken sneakers, would be to really check my beliefs. I'd then let go of that feeling of despair, followed by taking solace in that all-too-familiar cliché, about their being plenty of fish in this wonderful sea of beautiful people that we're in. Moreover, I would suggest that you take advantage of this newfound freedom that life has granted you and really turn this situation into an opportunity. Really examine what's important to you, and to you alone. For all you know this relationship may very well have been draining you of certain drive, time, and resources needed to really manifest the best version of yourself. Fundamentally, our success in life—be it romantic, professional, biological, spiritual, etc—has a lot more to do with our outlook and choice of reactions to life's events than anything else, for it is here that we are exercising our free will, not in the outside actions of others (or other external circumstances for that matter). Six years is definitely a long time, but it's not a lifetime. You have plenty to look forward to and plenty of people to meet, not to mention the inevitable spark of romance that you will re-discover along the way. If this doesn't quite soothe your pain, then let me offer something else that I've found truly beneficial and empowering. Really take a good look at the whole situation, along with all of it's consequences, and straight up own it. And own ALL of it, and consider what personal actions may have led to this. Maybe it didn't work out for a really good reason, and heck, maybe you WERE the reason, but not in any way that you were quite aware of. Maybe a relationship isn't really what you need right now anyway. Maybe, instead, you could be cultivating the various facets of yourself that will not only turn you into an undeniable savage of a he-man she-magnet, but will also give you a greater sense of courage, individuality, and self confidence that is hard for anyone to resist, let alone ignore for a lifetime and not consider you as marriage-worthy. So take care, little bro, and remember to check your beliefs, for they are sometimes self-limiting when they can easily be quite the opposite and empower us. Sincerely, Bobby

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