Divorce & the Art of Quitting
Who hasn’t rolled out of bed and thought, “I Quit”?
Oh, come on, really. We all have those days. Even Mother Theresa I’m sure some days wanted to hit snooze, roll over and retreat to “Facebook World” (ok… not Facebook may be “friendster”… Look it up…).
Life is hard. Now I don’t mean doom and gloom Great Depression-era type of hard, but it is a grind. Parents don’t get to sit on the sidelines very often and just watch. Day by day, moment by moment, we get things completed, provide for our families and keep moving forward, which is compounded if you are a single parent.
So Can You Quit?
I am a short term quitter… It’s my release valve. I reach a pressure point, the top blows, I quit, I cool down, then I continue to march. There is something inside me that just won’t let me give up on a passion. A marathon… yes, I might as it’s not my passion. But my children, friends, family or IMO? No way.
This morning I was making lunch before football practice at 6.30 am and my youngest walks in and drops an “I quit” football, life, lack of sleep meltdown. I swear I have not trained him, but I could see he was exhausted. We both have major colds, and it is hard getting up at that time to get knocked down and run over in football practice. I could drag him to practice, but it will not become his passion. He needs to find his own deep well and desire to complete and accomplish to the best of his resolve, ability, and passion.
Today, after the pressure settled (and five minutes) we were in the car and on the way to practice.
I can’t think of too many things I have quit in life. Not to say that there are not reasons why you shouldn’t quit (quit crack, that’s OK). But I do sometimes feel like I failed my marriage. It got to a point where there was no option.
No matter what the reason–or who was the one that did the quitting–the who, why and how is really only something each individual can personally come to terms with. Looking at your marriage as a failure can and should help you make your next relationship a winner.
There is life after divorce, and you are the only one who can really decide what it will look like. Will you repeat or instead refuse this time to quit by not getting to that point of decision.
“A good attitude costs less than a latte, and is, in fact, the one thing in your morning you do control.”
I recently quit teaching kids to drive. After my fourth successful student, I quit. After three kids and a niece, no more. But I did learn a lot from the experiences that I thought were relevant to today’s conversation.
Parent Taught Lessons from Behind the Wheel
- Reset your mirrors, your seat position and yourself. Each day before you set off on your journey you get the chance to reset yourself and how you will view the world around you. Make sure you don’t stare too long in the rear view mirror and focus on moving forward towards your destination.
- Get out of first gear. Sometimes we wonder why we are making a lot of noise but not moving very fast. Understand that you have to get out of your “first gear” comfort zone and get moving.
- Make emergency stops and know where the brakes are. You are in control of your speed, especially in new relationships. You found your way out of first, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to drive 100 miles and hour. It’s OK to slow down and find your pace.
- Know how to reverse and that you can. We have all made mistakes. We will all make mistakes again and probably do things we regret. Know that there is a reverse gear for a reason, and you can get off roads you shouldn’t have gone down.
- Give clear indication when changing lanes. With all lane changes, signal clearly so as not to run over those around you. This is not dodgems… drive through your life with courtesy for your fellow drivers.
- Parallel parking. Practice makes perfect, even though the spot you are going for will never be that big. Be patient and know you will need to persevere and practice with your “self” and those parked around you.
So the lessons of today and passing without quitting permanently is this: learn from your past, breathe in your present and don’t give up on the dreams of your future.
P.S. from your Friendster –
“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”
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