Divorce. A journey through Hell… but also road to Valhalla?
And seven tourist traps on the trip.
I found out I was single again in a text. No, it wasn’t high school (or senior school at the time in England). I had just landed back in Dallas from a business trip.
I knew it was coming.
I had been separated and in divorce proceeding for over a year. But after 17 years, to walk off a plane and have that text hit my phone from my lawyer, well, it broke me. I sobbed in the airport and had to pull over on the car ride home. It was like a death in the family. The finality of the loss just felt wrong. How had I gotten to this point? What had happened? What did I do to deserve this? How would I move on?
Snotty nosed and bleary eyed I did drive home. And that’s the starting point, you have to move. “You can’t sit on the side of the highway, or risk getting rear ended or in reality… you just won’t get home.”
What was your experience day one? I would love to hear how you navigated this fist year of your life, and I’m sure your experience could also help our community. IMO is your voice and platform. Send us your story and we would love to share.
The first year of separation and divorce for me was the worst. As I was remembering this journey, the most important decision was to move forward. The second most important decision was the way I moved forward, found direction, and defined my character. (OK so I’m not that creative and I’m plagiarizing the Bible somewhat, but not a bad place to start…)
Seven Tourist Traps on the Trip Through Hell
- Pride – No matter what you think you “won” and even if you did, move on. Give up on pride and hurtful comments and sparring. Your relationship ended. Don’t let your pride end your good character.
- Greed – Fighting over the china will cost you more than, well, the china. In the long run when you meet your future partner they are not going to want to eat off that memory anyway.
- Lust – The most common pit-stop and pitfall for the guys is a year (or more) of one night stands and relationships. While this may feel like validation of your value, attractiveness and back slaps from your buddies, you’re not ready. You will end up more miserable, empty and damaged than before. Take a year. Find yourself and your passions. Your next fulfilling and improved relationship will come.
- Envy – Don’t stare out the side window at your ex and their new partner. Don’t waste time dreaming of the demise of their happiness. Look forward, plan your own path and realize your own dreams.
- Gluttony – On this long trip, chocolate and ice cream might look and taste like your best friend. But push forward (eat a smaller scoop or bar) and start to refocus on your health and use the extra time you have (if you don’t have the kids for a day or the week) to learn to make good fresh and healthy choices.
- Wrath – It is so easy to be soooo angry at your ex. What they did to you, how they look at you, what they took from you.. It is all temporal and does not matter in the long run. Give up on your anger as it will only get you on a hotter and longer path through Hell.
- Sloth – No matter what your past physical shape, use this life changing experience to spur your sloth self off the couch. Go for a walk, get on a bike or join a gym and get moving. If you like to fish… go fishing. But sitting and focusing on the past, will only take you down to sloth speed on the road to your future.
With as always a touch of humor, sarcasm and Sloth,
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