Divorce Time Travel
If the new generation of Apple Watch came with the ability to go back in time, what would you change regarding your divorce?
Hmmmmmmm. That’s a tough one. No one wants the pain and sadness of a divorce in their life or the effect on their children, family, friends, and finances. But would you change the past and lose the pain of your divorce education?
The Ex. – The pain caused by divorce, probably would drive
anyone to want to wipe away the memory of “The One” you promised “for richer or poorer.” No one wants to experience pain, sadness, anger, or regret. But to forget the past would mean changing my future. If you’re still thinking of investing in the time machine from Napoleon Dynamite, may I suggest you check out Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. In the movie, a man, heartbroken that his girlfriend Clementine underwent a procedure to erase him from her memory, decides to do the same and realizes even the painful memories are worth keeping as a part of who he has become and his memories of the past.
What would you lose by changing your ex? Maybe less hair, but what about your kids? Would you skip the pain and maybe not have a son or daughter? No way! And the memories. As a family and as a couple, there were many positive ones that you can use to look forward to a working relationship for you, your ex and your kids.
The Words – There are things said that you would never say to another or thought that you would say to “the one” or that they possibly said to you. Things definitely you or probably you ex wish were never said. If you are currently going through a divorce or separation, take a word from the wise. Breathe, and think before you speak. Cutting words or threats said out of anger can cost you in the short run and for many years to come. The words that you say out of spite always end up coming back at you and make the long run more difficult. So, in my machine, I would definitely like to go back and “bleep” more than a few conversations, but through those situations, I have also learned to hold my tongue (a little more…).
The Actions – Always take the high road, and you’ll never never drown in the emotional flood. Keep a safe space and distance in maybe the most emotional and irrational time of your life.
Priorities – Get them in order. The past is the past. Now you need to put your kids and yourself first. Don’t get stuck in toxic places or patterns or repeat the negatives of yesterday. I got married in my early 20’s. Nothing wrong with that, but for me personally I did not have “husband” or “father” modeled well for me. I spent a lot of my early married years traveling with work, and maybe my mind was not as present when I was home. The positive thing that came from my divorce was my change in prioritizing my children. Overnight I became a single parent, and in that function found new connections and relationships with my kids and my community. This is something I would never give up by skipping the pain of my divorce.
What would you lose?
Luckily, you can’t change the past, but you can your future.
The pains of your past have molded you into the person that you are now and will become in the future. You might not like what you are currently looking at in the mirror, but you have experiences that you can use to become a better version of you in your next relationship, next marriage, or to help others. You now can empathize with others going through similar relationship issues or divorce. You can use that empathy to be a positive role model to others dealing with adversity, priorities, and having a positive impact in your community. Whatever you lost, you gained back in empathy.
Not going back, but looking to the future,
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