Don’t Fan Old Flames

Don’t Fan Old Flames

Recently Single? Looking for that New Spark? Don’t look back run. Run Forward, Very fast.

Who knows? Your New spark might be "Mucho Caliente..."

Who knows? Your New spark might be “Muy Caliente…”

Do not even peek at your High School flame on Facebook or you might turn into a pillar of salt…

Yes, probably a tad bit over dramatic. But it is amazing the attraction of old flames. Have you ever wondered why you only remember that first kiss but not the pimples? The romantic walks in the park and not the braces?

Well I am an unfortunate romantic, one raised by a theatrical mother who loved love stories. But this isn’t about that. Its about looking at life and where you are without the rose tinted glasses.

Old Flame

Whilst looking at things other than FB I came across this recent study on keeping up with your old flame through social media and how it  can emotionally delay your personal growth and recovery.

In the study, psychologist Tara C. Marshall of Brunel University in England asked 464 participants (mostly college-age women) to evaluate their Facebook usage and emotional recovery following a breakup with a romantic partner.

They answered questions like, “How often do you look at your ex-partner’s Facebook page?” and “How often do you look at your ex-partner’s list of Facebook friends?” They also were asked to rate their current distress over the breakup as well as their lingering sexual desires and negative feelings toward the ex-partner, including anger, disappointment, confusion and hate. Furthermore, the study participants assessed how much their lives had changed as a result of their breakup, such as whether they’d developed new interests.

In analyzing the responses, Marshall found that those who Facebook-stalked their ex more frequently were more likely to be hung up on the breakup, with greater distress, negative feelings, longing for the ex-partner and lower personal growth. 

“In spite of the need for further research, the take-home message from the present study is that keeping tabs on an ex-partner through Facebook is associated with poorer emotional recovery and personal growth following a breakup,” Marshall wrote Sept. 4 in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. “Therefore, avoiding exposure to an ex-partner, both offline and online, may be the best remedy for healing a broken heart.”

Create a new Spark – 

  • If that old flame still burns in the back of your mind, leave it there and focus on the Stick of Dynamite in your future.
  • No you wont loose a hand in the process (Well you might…)
  • But look forward to creating new adventures and making new friends.
  • Stay off social media and be social.


Thom. (not looking Back but to the Future)


P.S. You might want to print yesterdays Thomism no.38 and stick on your fridge as a reminder!




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About author

Thom Slade
Thom Slade 281 posts

“Healing for the broken hearted. A map, guide and community to move on positively/fantastically in life with a healthy beaming smile”
Thom. Thom is the originator and alter-ego of Divorce Survivor, Single Parent, and now moving on to new adventures in Life. Follow his journey here every week, or on Instagram and Facebook.

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  1. Cait
    September 05, 20:37 Reply
    Yes, yes, yes! I agree that fanning an old flame is usually not a good idea. There's a reason that flame is "old" now. Don't go back with think the grass is greener in the past. That's usually just in our minds. Great advice for looking forward, Thom!
  2. Ramona
    September 15, 19:48 Reply
    So true! I believe its one of those things where we know that the better road for us is the new one but it is easier said than done. Though I could just be speaking from my past experiences. Sometimes we think it'll be easier to continue down the road we know and have grown familiar with even though that road may be bad for us. I get it, and thanks for sharing.

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