Keep to email correspondence. Write the dullest emails possible, do not insert an ounce of passion. Stick to the facts and core of what you need, And by no means respond to anything that is antagonistic, Ignore all that is not the point of the communication. Its the past it just really does not matter.
Last sleep on it. There is no need to respond in less that 24 hours. This also helps calm your jets and your writing.
Facts and as little as emotion as possible. I have a rule that I avoid anything that could require an exclamation point. I also find that sometimes my questions are received in a manner I didn’t intend. That’s tough because for the most part, if I’m asking a question, I really just need the answer. I think over time you build equity in being about the information and not about the complicated relationship. Twice in maybe 10 years I’ve sent electronic correspondence asking a question about the way a situation was handled with my child because I am getting half of a story and I don’t know what how to respond. LEt’s just say that didn’t go over well…. So if anything remotely similar happens these days, I call. If I don’t get a person (usually the case), I leave a message with a calm tone of voice explaining that I’m just needing information in order to make sure I’ve got the full story and so I now how to respond. I usually get a response that way. I think they key is keeping the focus on the kids and on a solution. If you’re working toward a solution in a positive way, it’s hard t go wrong–not impossible–but definitely more productive in my experience.