I don’t see what you see!

I don’t see what you see!

We all try to avoid confronting other people or being confronted. We often see “confrontation” as a negative form of communication.

When the word “confrontation” hits our mind, other words and phrases such as “fight” “argument” “being rude” or

“lack of respect” comes to mind.

Confrontation should not carry a negative energy; it should be demonstrated genuinely and positively. It must give the person we are confronting the message that we want to move forward with them. When we are confronting someone it means that we are willing to work on something with them, it means that we respect and care for them enough to be willing to face a possible awkward and uncomfortable conversation to resolve the conflict.

However there are polite/impolite ways to confront our loved ones. If not done right, it can cause damage to our relationship with whomever we are confronting, whether it’s our partner, family members, or co-workers.

Here are some tips to start a conversation with someone who we want to confront (at the right time and place of course):

“It sounds like we disagree on this.”

“I see it differently; here’s why.”

“I think we need time to try to understand our differences.”

“What you seem to be saying is that you disagree with my observations.”

“Let me tell you how I see it, and then you tell me whether you disagree.”

“I think we need another opinion.”

“I appreciate your opinion, but I disagree and I want you to appreciate mine.”

What the statements above do, is leave room for negotiation, they leave an open space for our partner to voice their opinion as well, they are open-ended and settle, they have no definite or harsh notion to them, therefore, there is less chance of coming across as disrespectful and insensitive.

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About author

Tannaz Psychology
Tannaz Psychology 9 posts

I, Tannaz Moein M.S., am a Licensed Professional Counselor-Intern (LPC-I) supervised by Dr. Dean Aslinia. I received myBachelor’s degree in Arts of Psychology from University of Texas at Dallas, Master’s degree in Science of Counseling at Southern Methodist University, and am currrently working toward my Doctor of Psychology degree from Southern California University. I work with children, adolescents, adults, couples, families, and the elderly population. I have also gained advanced training in substance dependency, adolescence counseling, and crisis intervention. As an Adlerian counselor, I believe people are holistic, phenomenological, creative, teleological, and social. In counseling, I pay close attention to the importance of the complete system of individuals. I believe in experiences, consciousness, and that people are creative and can shape their own personality and have the freedom to affect their destiny.

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2 Comments

  1. Ulla
    November 11, 08:40 Reply
    This is great advice, and from experience I can tell you that this is VITAL to any relationship because you will never find someone who sees everything the same way you do. Personally my fiancé and I are both firm believers in constructive arguing and I think thats why we are growing together in the relationship :)
  2. Ramona
    November 13, 16:17 Reply
    I love how you're taking this on from a positive standpoint. The above phrases you've given are very calm, respectful and really changes or at least gives me another outlook on the whole idea of confrontation. I myself do enjoy going into debates. However, I'm not the one to not disrespect others opinions and although things may sometimes get heated I think the phrases above will help keep things more equal.

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