Let Go Of The Shame
With half of all marriages now ending in divorce, it should be something that we are used to or at least a fact that we should consider more than we currently do. When my marriage fell apart and I found myself staring down at the divorce papers in my hand, I felt anger and a sense of embarrassment coursing through my veins. I was embarrassed because I hadn’t managed to make my marriage work and angry because I was blind to what was going on in front of my eyes. Why didn’t I see what was coming?
For a while, these emotions stayed with me but soon after, it turned to shame. As soon as I felt ashamed, I knew that a change had to be made because it is no way to live. When you realize that you don’t like a certain quality about yourself, and others probably don’t either, it is a hard thing to cope with. However, I knew that it was something that I could change; I knew that I could learn to forgive, let go, and move forward.
The first step was to realize my mistakes and accept that they were made; once this happened, I was left with remorse that was a blessing. Remorse should always be seen as a good thing because it means that we recognize that what we have done is wrong. This can is progress as it helped me to see what has to be changed for the better. If we feel ashamed, we dwell on the feeling and remain in the mistake until we forget it. This will lead to making the same mistakes over and over again.
I knew that to move forward, I had to forgive myself and learn some important lessons otherwise the same feelings would occur again some way down the road. I tried to force forgiveness but to no avail; instead, I opened my heart and slowly the process of forgiveness began. I learnt to do this through a simple process of breathing; for example, if I allowed myself to be aware of what I was feeling, I could bring them into my heart whilst breathing. I could then send forgiveness, breathe out, and move forward having learned instead of dwelling on the past.
I’m not saying that this process of acknowledgement, forgiveness, and a new start helped me to get over my divorce instantly but I believed it helped me to become a better person. Of course, I still think about my marriage and I’m sure I still will some years down the line but I no longer look back at it through tinted glasses. I have learned from the process and learned how to progress in the face of adversity. Forgiveness of others begins with ourselves; if we can’t forgive ourselves, there is no way we can forgive others. I don’t hold it against my ex-partner because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to move on.
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