Love, trust and getting what you deserve…

Love, trust and getting what you deserve…

Love – noun
image

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.sexual passion or desire.
4.a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5.(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or thelike):
Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.

However you define it, love it, hate it, run away from it, Love is in the air this month and “too be loved” is a core desire of all of us. But if you have ever been cheated by Love how do you learn to Love again, or “Trust” to Love again.

Trust – noun

  1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability; confidence.
  2. confident expectation of something; hope.
  3. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
  4. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
  5. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.

Trust is a key in any long term relationship.  It is not a contract but a decision and a feeling. Whilst pondering on this I came across an excellent article from tinybuddha.com

Ten Ways to let go and open up to love again –

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-let-go-open-love/

Why put yourself through so much pain and suffering for a love that hurts and could end?

The reason to give love another shot, I’ve learned, is that by loving better and deeper, we become even more whole. Our hurt and tears clear the fog around our heart and illuminate the soul.

The journey to love is a journey to one’s self, your highest, most sacred and loving self.

There are plenty of obstacles keeping us from loving again. Sad to say, I’ve experienced them all.

Here are ten way to let go of the obstacles preventing you from having love in your life.

1. Let go of pain.

You can’t let go of pain by resisting it. You could avoid the pain for some time, but in order to move on you must fully embrace the pain.

Embracing the pain means experiencing loss, sadness, and grief. As difficult as it might be, allow the tears to flow and share your experience with your friends and family.

Write down your feelings and come to terms with the emotions you’re going through.

Instead of judging yourself harshly for your feelings, wash yourself in compassion for finding the strength to move through your pain.

2. Let go of trespasses.

When you break up, you feel like you want to blame everyone for causing your heartache. This includes not just your ex, but also their parents, your parents, their friends, your friends, and everyone in between.

The only way to stop blaming others is to forgive them. No matter how grave the offense or how unacceptable their behavior, your healing starts when you let go of the gripe. Yes, it was unfair; yes, it was unjust; and yes, they did you wrong. But there’s nothing to be done now but forgive.

Forgive people, because they, like us, have many imperfections. They know not what they do. They don’t live up to our expectations and have had difficult pasts that we may not understand fully.

3. Let go of bitterness.

The way to let go of bitterness toward others is to think of the many positive qualities and experiences you’ve had with them.

Your ex is not an evil person; they just weren’t the best person for you.

Instead of being stuck on their flaws and wrongdoings, allow the power of forgiveness to overlook what they’ve ‘done’ to you. Look at what good they’ve done, how much they’ve helped you be a better person, and the happy times you had together.

Remind yourself of their redeeming qualities. See their light.

4. Let go of resentments.

We let go of self-pity and resentments by being more grateful.

Not only be thankful to your ex and the relationship you shared, but start living a life filled with gratefulness.

Notice the small things and the big things that are constantly occurring around you.

Appreciate the kind gesture, the words of encouragement, and the favorable circumstances that unfold in your life.

Making a small gratitude list as you start or end the day can help you move from focusing on resentments to focusing on thankfulness.

5. Let go comparing yourself to others.

What I’ve learned is that no relationship is perfect and most relationships look good from the outside. Comparing your relationship to others isn’t very constructive.

Once again, transform bitterness toward others to gratefulness that others have found love in their lives. If others have found love, let that be a message of hope and possibility for you.

We are each on our own journeys to better understanding ourselves and loving better. Our journey is independent of anyone else’s.

Your day will come. Your broken love and loss are the seeds of true love.

6. Let go of expectations.

We’ve grown up to expect a lot of things to turn out a certain way. But like the weather and weather reports, you can’t count on sunny and bright all the time.

If we can’t expect good weather, we sure can’t expect a perfect love or a partner to behave a certain way.

The way to be happy in and out of relationships is to let go of expectations and conditions.

Your Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t a certain height, a certain profession, or a specific personality.

Be open to the magic of possibilities.

7. Let go of resistance.

Although love can be painful and heart-breaking, be willing to open your heart anyway.

Be open to meeting new people, be open to being vulnerable, and be open to falling in love again.

Love can only bloom if you’re open to love in your life. Set the intention for love to enter again.

8. Let go of being tough.

I know the feeling well. “The stronger and I am the more closed I am to others, the less likely someone else will hurt me again.”

If you close your heart and feelings to others, you may avoid pain but you’ll also miss out on happiness and joy.

Seek to be your most honest self. Instead of hiding behind a cloak of someone you’re not, be yourself in the world, which will only make you more attractive.

By being true to yourself, you’ll also attract people who are better suited for you.

Being vulnerable means being honest about your shortcomings and sharing your feelings. It’s choosing honesty over trying to look good.

9. Let go of telling the same story over and over.

You want to tell the same sad story repeatedly to friends—a love gone wrong, a love soured, a love that fell apart.

What if that story simply wasn’t true?

There are many perspectives and stories in every relationship. Are you holding onto a story of resentment and bitterness?

Are you willing to see a different story? A different perspective?

Could the lost love have helped you grow? Heal some part of yourself? Learn about an open wound?

Is the story you’re telling yourself blocking love from entering your life again?

10. Let go of fear.

The way to let go of fear is to recognize and embrace it.

How is fear holding you back? Is it keeping you stuck from living the life you want or the love you desire?

Call fear out for what it is. What is the worst that can happen if this fear came true? How likely is it that this fear will come true? Have you overcome fears like this in your past?

When you confront fear and acknowledge it for what it is, you can have an honest conversation with fear.

Ultimately, a partner is a mirror and guide to help you complete the journey to your truest self. Even if you break up with them, they can be a conduit to healing and being made whole.

 

Hope you enjoyed that article. We would love to hear from you. How did you learn to trust again? How long did it take? Was it a simple decision or a long process?

Tell us your story and help others on their journey.

Thom


Like what you see? More importantly, would you like to see a whole lot more without a whole lot of effort? Sign up for our weekly newsletter and we’ll make sure to keep you up to date with our latest posts.


Previous I’m thankful for my divorce and heartbreak…
Next Yoga Poses to Relieve Stress

About author

Thom Slade
Thom Slade 282 posts

“Healing for the broken hearted. A map, guide and community to move on positively/fantastically in life with a healthy beaming smile”
Thom. Thom is the originator and alter-ego of ivemovedon.com. Divorce Survivor, Single Parent, and now moving on to new adventures in Life. Follow his journey here every week, or on Instagram and Facebook.

You might also like

3 Comments

  1. AnnAbbitz
    February 15, 22:33 Reply
    I have to admit that numbers 3 and 4 were the most difficult for me to get past. I found that I was always bitter and that no matter what I was going through - good or bad - I found a way to allow my past experiences to influence my feelings. It was only after I learned to 'forgive but not necessarily forget' that I eventually began to feel happy, outgoing, and self-reliant again. In short, once I learned to stop letting my bitterness and resentment dictate my moods... I found a way to be MYSELF again. Great post :)
  2. Chris
    February 16, 13:17 Reply
    I agree wholeheartedly with everything on this list, but especially number one ("let go of pain"), and I believe this pertains to all aspects of life. I currently have some feelings I'm trying to resist thinking about, but by doing that I'm just letting it sit in the background. In order to get rid of something like that, you have to feel it and let it run its course. In my opinion, in order to get it out of your system you have to first let it go THROUGH your system.
  3. Lily
    November 11, 13:54 Reply
    It's easy to write and really hard to do. When I was a teenager and I broke up with my boyfriend at that time, I've got stuck on the number 1 for such a long time. I always cried, talked with my friends just about my ex relationship and I didn't know why such a bad thing happened to me - very good person :D really, I thought just like this. It took me couple years to forget everything.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.