Nesting III – Circling the Nest
The Return of the Bird
We invest our time and energy into nurturing and preparing our chick to spread their wings and take on the world. But what happens when they circle home, leave the college plan and look to settle back in the nest?
Sometimes it comes from the least expected ones. The tallest with the largest wingspan, your condor. You believe they will circle the earth after finishing College (full scholarship of course). But it doesn’t always work out like that.
In hindsight mine was in no way prepared to go away to college. Deep in the divorce process he was left to fend as a mature adult early in high school winning accolades as most popular, but not mature enough to understand that out of the nest a lot of work was required to achieve dreams. In today’s society, not finishing college has a real stigma. But with an investment of over $100,000 is it really worth it?
- Bill Gates
- Steve Jobs
- Frank Lloyd Wright
- Buckminster Fuller
- James Cameron
- Mark Zuckerberg
- Tom Hanks
- Harrison Ford
- Lady Gaga
- Tiger Woods
Now don’t get me wrong, I probably wouldn’t share this with my eldest or my two still in High School. I believe in education, its importance and its ability to grow and mature. Education is just not the only answer. And there in lies the most difficult part of raising a child, helping them find their own path and direction.
What to do
I wish there was an easy answer, and please feel free to add your thoughts in comments. The key is patience which for the first year I didn’t have any. Trying to find what motivates your young adult can change with “their” story daily. Just hang in there. Set boundaries and rules. Be prepared to follow through. Today’s child does not fall for the “I’m kicking you out” scenario, and since it is their residence as well… you can’t simply kick them out and going to court to evict your child is probably not on the cards.
So don’t supply cash or play money. Don’t make life too exciting, vacations are optional. Remove the cable box from their room. Guide them to understand that “dating” is a lot more fun at a restaurant where the food does not come on a tray. Most importantly.. stick in there.
If you missed it, I found that Fridays article and book from our new contributor and partner Mark Demos was a huge help. Finding your kids “DNA” drivers or talents, helped me not worry about the corporate job but helping him find something he would be passionate about and get out of bed…
As a highlight from his article here are the first two from his 10 Powerful Discovery Questions to Help Me Move on to a New Self and Identity
Discovery Q 1 – Exceptionality
What have you done that is Exceptional? Exceptional means above or better than average, or clearly superior. When you look at the definition of a ‘Talent’, could your Evidence be judged in at least the top 25% of all other participants? What awards have you won? What really good grades have you been given? What speeds, measurements, weights, awards have you achieved that are better that the vast majority of your friends, peers or work associates?
Discovery Q 2 – Flow, In The Zone
Where have you experienced ‘Flow’, being ‘In the Zone’ or ‘E’tat de Grace’. (State of Grace) Pleasure of God…Another word is “Joy”. You have experienced ‘Flow’ at different times in your life and will likely recognize its characteristics: You felt particularly: (1) strong, alert, (2) in effortless control, (3) a sense that you were performing at the peak of ability, (4) the sense of time and emotional problems seemed to disappear, (5) there was a sense that you were living the design for which you were made.
Help us, help others.
What are some of the biggest challenges and successes you’ve had raising your kids and helping them prepare to leave the nest?
Share your story in the comment section.
PS – He got the job. And is on time. And is excited and passionate about it. He comes home and tells me about his day. Finally, he gets his first paycheck next week… payback…and Room & Board in the nest…
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