Riding out a storm
“It has been weeks of beautiful calm sailing–the boat skimming across the water’s surface by day and gently rocking at night with the peaceful lapping of the waves against the hull. It seems you have left the pain of your past on the shore far away. Life is restored. You are in control of your journey, and the forecast is clear, that is, until a dark storm appears out of nowhere. Your past crosses the horizon and quickly blocks the sun, the wind cracking and tearing against the sail, the rain stinging your eyes, and the waves tossing your boat like a toy. Each crash seems to make it shrink to the size of a child’s toy, and what seems like the endless flash of lighting and roll of thunder. Where did the blue calm skies go and how will you ever survive this storm?”
You’ve Weathered the Divorce Storm – Calm Waters Ahead?
The wave swells are crashing in, each one feels like you’re a little more swamped, a little more underwater, and to the point of sinking.
I know. As I have been there.
The safety that was your family home and a partner of many years seem miles away as you drift into uncharted water. There are days when you feel you’re cresting on the wave and can see the shoreline, only then to sink again in a sea of uncertainty between the waves that hide the safety of shore.
A divorce is not a life event for which anyone plans. In hindsight “divorce insurance” might have been a better investment than a pool.
A divorce can also very much seem like a hurricane that destroys relationships, family, and bank accounts. I have met many that believe that once the storm passes, they will be in the emotional clear skies. The truth is that the rumble of thunder, showers, downpours, hail, lightning, and occasional flooding will most probably continue with the growth of your kids and ex after college graduation. Maybe still into the occasional grandchild birthday, Christmas break, or limitless number of social gatherings until you reach that point and understand storms do pass, but there will be others.
You might let the dust on your divorce papers settles, before perfecting your Bumble/Match profile. It is really easy to thing that plain sailing is ahead. That the ink is dry, and the past is, well in the past. But no matter how far from shore there are bound to be difficulties with your interactions with the one whom was once your “one”.
No one schedules a hurricane
I live and annoy many around me with my “iiwwi” mantra. But it really changed my life and how I weather the storms in life. I was, an still am a control freak in many parts of my life. I have learned from and though my divorce that no matter how I react to certain circumstances some days the rain comes sideways. In the past I have carried frustration and anger for days at things I cannot control, namely other people, family and my ex. Its in these times of heavy hail, that the only reaction that works is to not have a reaction. To understanding that somethings are out of my control, and that “It is what it is” is the only way to tie yourself to the mast and ride it out. I don’t mean throwing yours hands up covering your ears and making a loud lalalalalala noise as you run in circles and passively aggressively fight the storm, but instead understand that even those that accidentally or purposely try and cause emotional harm, are also hurt. Poking a tiger probably means losing a finger.
Seasonal Showers – Planning Kids Holidays – You can decide if its going to become a storm.
Holding the Course – Focusing on the plan and not the pin
The safe course of action in an emotional storm? Always look back to the map and your plan of where your new chartered course if taking you.
Know that the storm never lasts forever. It feels like it might, but the waters will eventually calm, and you will see land again.
Look to the future positively and the storms that will come and go.
Benefits of a storm
- Washes away dirt & tears –Reminds us that we can start again with even the pollen causing our allergy headache being washed down the drain. Take the same opportunity to take stock and wash past anger away.
- Feeds new growth – Even the desert blooms with a little water. You might feel stuck, lost, or walking in circles. Take this time to water your life passions and creative talents. Read, write, draw, or get back to your favorite hobby (unless it’s line dancing… I don’t like line dancing…)
- Signify a season change – Time is the great healer and no matter how hard the downpour and how drenched you feel by life, you also can change yourself and your outlook. Storms will continue to come, so prepare yourself and your attitude to be ready to have fun and jump in some puddles and watch your new garden of opportunities grow.
Sailing forward in full rain gear on the HMS iiwii
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