Self Love Island
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Self Love Island

“The island stood alone surrounded by thousands of miles of open ocean. It seemed like the rest of the world was being kept at arm’s length. From the water it looked wild and unkempt with its jungle growth spilling over its edges towards the  dangerous jagged rocks surrounding it. No one except myself would dare attempt a visit. Only I could get there and only I could decide how long I would stay.”

Welcome to Self Love Island.

We all have our own private self-love island. We own it without paying a penny in rent. Some are large expansive islands, while others the size of a postage stamp. Some are barren, while others are covered with beautiful tended gardens. The size and care of our islands all depend on our length of visits and our purpose for visiting. Self Love Island is a place where we see our true selves. We must learn to come to peace with that “self” or be doomed to never reaching our potential destination, instead we sail in circles on shallow seas.

What is “Self Love”

Definition – “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).” Other synonyms – big headed, complacency, conceitedness, ego, pompousness, pride, pridefulness, self-admiration, self-assumption, self-conceit, self-congratulation, self-esteem, self-glory, self-importance, self-opinion, self-satisfaction, smugness, swell-headedness, vainglory, vainness. Antonyms – humbleness, humility, modesty.

Errrrrr. Nope… Well that is not at all the definition or purpose of “Self Love” that we find on Self Love Island. Going somewhere to just focus on “self” and ignore others or see ourselves above others is more a visit to self pity. So why go there? I visit and return often as one of the greatest places of discovery and exploration. If I don’t know where I am, what condition I am in, how do I know how and if I can move on?

Why go there? Exploration of self and to find balance by asking these important questions:

1. Where are you?

2. What do you want?

3. Where do you want to go?

4. How and when do you want to get there?

Without spending time pondering these great questions I will be on the “Life” boat drifting aimlessly without a rudder. Most divorcees spend time in this drifting boat. It’s OK to float around but at some point, I have to find myself on dry land. You may have asked these same questions on the beach before heading out on your new journey. I know I did. But I also found that as I journeyed, I grew. So I come back and look in the mirror often. I notice the new grey hairs (unfortunately) and scars from issues I have fought with, and lost some but won more as I continued forward.

I like the following definition of Self Love  – “Self-love, self-respect, self-worth: There’s a reason they all start with ‘self.’ You can’t find them in anyone else.” ~Unknown

During my visits I want to find hidden treasure or self-nuggets…  No one can find these for you. They are buried deep or simply laying there on the surface. But you have to want to look with open eyes and heart. Be willing to take what ever you find, and refine it to use on your journey. You can’t dig up diamonds all the time. Sometimes it’s an old rusty piece of metal that will require a lot of heat and refining, cleaning and polishing. If you decide not to do the work and rebury or just leave lying around, it will continue to corrode.

I’ve stared at a lot of junk on my island. There is plenty to see without digging too deep.  It is so easy to ignore or hide in what I think is a bottomless pit only to be sitting there like a lit billboard of the unmentionable. My junk yard is full of failed relationships and sad things that make me feel less of a person, mistakes that leave me not feeling whole. I’ve also felt ugly, overweight, and weak, but, more importantly, I have found that many of these memories and reflections are distortions. The ugly truths can also be used to create something that is better than it was before.

Simple Self-realization Facts That Come From Self Awareness

  1. You can’t love another if you can’t love your reflection (with all the cracks and greasy thumbprints)
  2. You can’t compare your reflection to another’s- It’s yours as is your journey.
  3. You can’t find peace if you’re still at war  – forgiveness is the best defense against anger and resentment.
  4. Negative people don’t hang around with positive. Surround yourself with positive people.
  5. Love comes back when love and compassion are freely given.
  6. You can’t make room for healthy habits if you keep filling your trunk with junk.
  7. Accept what you cannot love.
  8. Never give up on yourself, your journey, or your loved ones.

Quick Trip or Permanent Vacation?

There are no flyby trips. You can’t pass over from 30,000 feet or make changes in a day trip. Coming to peace with yourself and your nuances takes time and continual work. Think of it like the gym. You may not want to go, but you know it is the only real way to get stronger, build muscle, and change how you look and feel. You can’t go once, and you have to visit often and frequently. The same is for Self Love Island. It takes a lot of tending and work.

How long is too long?

If you think sitting by a pool of refection and having tears stream down your cheeks because of the love of your beauty is the goal… It’s not. Having a healthy regard for one’s own well-being and happiness is one thing; having narcissistic characteristics and no regard for others is not the goal. The goal should be to get in and do the real work. Come to terms with self, be at peace with who you are at that moment, and have positive goals for the person you want to become and the relationships you want to have.

With a healthy dose of self-love and respect,

Thom

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About author

Thom Slade
Thom Slade 270 posts

“Healing for the broken hearted. A map, guide and community to move on positively/fantastically in life with a healthy beaming smile”
Thom. Thom is the originator and alter-ego of ivemovedon.com. Divorce Survivor, Single Parent, and now moving on to new adventures in Life. Follow his journey here every week, or on Instagram and Facebook.

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