Being Self Serving Makes Serving Selfish

Being Self Serving Makes Serving Selfish

(Blimey, try saying that three times fast with a mouthful of humble pie)

Un-twist your tongue and find out what motivates you.

The Why in “Why am I doing this?” and understanding things that motivate us.

Do you ever walk the little old lady across the street, just hoping that the Man Upstairs is paying attention?

I know YOU don’t, but I’m sure you know people who do… Someone once reminded  me that every time I point a finger, three are pointing back at me. I loved this, as it’s a great frame of reference for today’s article on finding life’s motivations. During and after my divorce, I know I pointed a lot of fingers, and if you follow Thom’s Tuesday you will know that I am pretty open at knowing I have a plank in my own eye. But knowing that is half the game and important in understanding what motivates us to act and behave in the way we do towards those around us, including the ex.

I was at a state championship football competition this weekend with my son. It is interesting how strong the team camaraderie was when they were winning. The backslapping, the joking, the smiles and compliments. But in the tougher games the cracks showed, the fingers pointed, and the words of encouragement stopped. Pointing a finger has the simple goal of moving responsibility from self to others.

We do the same thing during a divorce. That once-cherished partner becomes the devil incarnate. The willingness to walk and even carry any old lady across the street becomes irrelevant if the act only serves as a means to an end–or winning brownie points as the person in the “right” with friends and family. But the truth behind any real championship team, surviving marriage, or individual’s character is what motivates them to do the right thing over the long haul.

Hindsight is meant to be 20/20, however mine tends to be a little foggy.

I have always had an issue with putting others first, including friends and family. I think it was part of the reason my marriage failed. The order of importance I put on my workday and those in it prioritizes what’s important. I believe a foundation of a strong marriage is always putting your partner at the front of the line. I failed, especially with my kids and work.  But a positive that has come out of my divorce is how I see others, my work, and family relationships to make sure they are in the right order.

So what is your motivation?

To “win” during your divorce? What does winning look like to you and what is the cost financially and emotionally? Giving yourself a positive self-check during and after your divorce will help you get a better understanding of what motivates you. There are no real “winners” in a divorce. Wow, you got the china, or you took them to the “cleaners” are examples of winning one, maybe two games in a series called Life. How you play the game is the only way to truly win the championship.

Ask Yourself Three Questions for a Motivational Self Check

  1. Am I doing this for selfish gain?
  2. Will what I am doing hurt someone?
  3. Will what I’m doing hurt me?

You are important and we want to help. That’s why we’ve created our free “Ask Thom” section. How can we help you today?

Email me today at

With Love and Positive Motivation,


P.S. And for the kid in you, here is your tongue twister-

Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke’s duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck’s duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.

from Dr. Seuss’ Fox in Socks


Previous “Post-divorce, I hear a lot of people talk about wasted years. For me, the past was a lesson, you can only waste your future.” Thomism No. 132
Next Dividing Assets Not Listed in Divorce Decree

About author

Thom Slade
Thom Slade 277 posts

“Healing for the broken hearted. A map, guide and community to move on positively/fantastically in life with a healthy beaming smile”
Thom. Thom is the originator and alter-ego of Divorce Survivor, Single Parent, and now moving on to new adventures in Life. Follow his journey here every week, or on Instagram and Facebook.

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