Stressful In-Dependence

Stressful In-Dependence

Do you get stressed

Focus on the journey and not just the next step.

Is it caused by self, others or your environment?

I’ve never been much of a stress bag (english term)–my divorce caused my first and only glimpse of my 6-pack as I lost twelve pounds. Months later those returned (OK maybe 13 returned) as I found a positive from being single again… I could decide what we were going to eat… and when… every night!

If you follow or read Thom’s Tuesday, you will know that I am a glass half full kind of guy, and simple things like food and choice can turn a frown upside down.

Don’t get me wrong. My divorce was an all 32 teeth root canal that I wouldn’t wish on anyone (except the other party.. and now I feel guilty…. forgive me).

If you have been through a divorce, there is a transition from two to one, from handling stuff as a couple and then weirdly all of a sudden on your own. So instead of the discussion of where or what we would like to eat, which selfishly was sometimes a stressful pain..

So the Divorce is Final – Viva La Bon Appetite Independence

But how independent are you and how dependent are you still on your ex? I found this a very stressful transition. Coming to peace with self reliance is freeing. However, if you are still dependent on your ex as a single parent, through alimony or even just waiting for them to show up for your child’s activities, can be draining and stressful.

As painful as it sounds, it’s a blip in time, a moment on a journey. That’s why I chose this week’s illustration. In the top picture all you can see is the steps in front of you. Whereas if you step back and look at the big picture, yes you are on a steep climb but there is a summit. At some point your kids will graduate. They will move out. Yes, they might come back with grandchildren, but that’s a separate journey with its own summit.. The point is, your divorce and separation will and does get easier and more manageable, and you will become more dependent on yourself. You will be able to control the amount of stress you let in your life as you move on.


  • Set boundaries on what affects you and what you can control

  • Understand that you are on a journey, and you’re going to get tired so make sure you get some rest

  • Train your body, keep healthy, walk or run, but remember exercise reduces stress

  • Finally, journal.  Writing is freeing, It puts a feeling and emotion into a point in time and gives you a place to show how far you have come.

We talk a lot about journaling on IMO.  We are of course a community platform to share your voice and journey so don’t forget to send us your story.

With Love and Muddy Worn Hiking Boots,


Previous "Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.“
Next Almost a ‘Do It Yourself’ Divorce

About author

Thom Slade
Thom Slade 281 posts

“Healing for the broken hearted. A map, guide and community to move on positively/fantastically in life with a healthy beaming smile”
Thom. Thom is the originator and alter-ego of Divorce Survivor, Single Parent, and now moving on to new adventures in Life. Follow his journey here every week, or on Instagram and Facebook.

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