The Two Trolls That Stop You From Moving On.

The Two Trolls That Stop You From Moving On.

There are two big ugly, nasty smelly vile beasts that stand in the way on you moving on. I remember reading the

Story of “The Three Billy Goats Gruff” to my kids when they were young. The story told about three goats who wanted to cross a bridge and eat the luscious green grass that was just across the bridge. The problem was that there was a nasty troll who liked his goat rare and juicy and would eat any adventurous goat who tried to cross.

Troll #1. Defining your future by what you want to avoid. i.e. I will never marry a man who has a temper like my ex. I will never get involved with a woman who is so damn negative.

There is a fundamental principal in human experience which says that we will get what we focus on. When we hold the picture of what we don’t want, that is what dominates and imprints on our minds. We somehow attract and we are magnetized to have whatever it is we focus on. Even if it is a negative that has hurt, harmed, cheated, growled and barfed all over us, we will get what we focus on.

If you are determined to Move On and not Go Back to what you want to Move On from, then define you future by what you want. Define it by what is good, healthy and what you know is foundational to a great future. Kill the troll!

Troll #2 Defining yourself by what you are not.    When we don’t know what defines the best of who we are and what we bring to our future, we tend to live based on past failure and doubt. Moving On demands we do a thorough analysis of who we are and then Move On with that as a launching pad.

We all have our stuff. You, me and everyone. That is not what builds a bright future. I have done forensics for over 20 years. About 15 years ago I started developing a process I coined Positive Forensics. What Positive Forensics does is do an analysis of everything – all the evidence – that defines our best selves. I call it an Analysis of Asset. What assets do I possess to build a future that will last, be strong, vibrant and quite frankly be amazing.

There is a great song which says, “Everybody Got Their Something” which means you. You might be a little or a lot battered, beaten down and discouraged. Start by doing an Analysis of Asset and write down 25 things (pieces of evidence) of things you are good, great and exceptional at. Just start and see what happens. Kill the troll!

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Mark Demos
Mark Demos 20 posts

Mark Demos has taken Forensics, the scientifically comprehensive evidence discovery process, to help you discover Evidence that applies to the important matters of life. From how to navigate through the toughest situations, to decisions about profession, education and parenting and ultimately defining your course in life. You will be directed and encouraged to discover Evidence of your Talents and apply them to creating a life filled with the three important "P's": Purpose, Passion and Performance." ​​ Dr. Elizabeth Loftus Ph.D. - Past President American Psychological Society and Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Law. University of California, Irvine. www.markrdemos.com Buy Marks book here - http://amzn.to/2iccqVU

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5 Comments

  1. Sam J
    August 06, 14:24 Reply
    Thanks this is really great advice! I will start making a list at the things that I am good at. I think that sometimes we get so caught up in the negative around us that we do not take the time to reflect on all the good things that are in our lives. Thanks again for a great article!
    • Mark Demos
      August 06, 15:36 Reply
      Thanks Sam. It takes a decision and then day by day making those positive movements forward. Step by step and soon we look back and it is amazing how far we have come.
  2. Cait
    November 22, 19:53 Reply
    Wonderful post! Rather than focusing on those things you don't want in a person, I think it's important to focus on what you DO want! Many years ago I made a list of all of the qualities I wanted in a husband someday. I stuck by that list and after meeting a few duds and letting them go because they weren't the man I was looking for, I found my husband! He was everything I ever wanted and more. He still is! :-)
  3. Jamie Adair
    November 27, 20:16 Reply
    Your first point is some really great advice that I've never thought of, if you spend so much time being set on what you don't want, that's likely all you'll ever see. And the second point is good as well. It's so important to be able to recognize what makes YOU worthy of someone else. Thinking of positive assets is a great way keep a good outlook and help esteem issues. I think a lot of people settle or get stuck because they don't believe they are good enough. Writing a list would be extremely helpful - something tangible as a reminder to keep moving forward.
  4. Domenic Stelle
    November 28, 01:29 Reply
    Thank you for putting into words what I have felt so strongly about for so long, but have not had the words to express or the courage to act upon. I have a lot of drive too, but still struggle with moving forward in my life -- of giving up something comfortable so I can make a leap forward. I have stalled out of fear and self-doubt far too many times. It’s time for a change. And this post really helps.

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