Trench Digging During Divorce
I am never wrong…
Well almost never….
OK I was wrong to crimp my hair as a teen, and wrong to protest in college because the cute girl was going, but other than that…
Hindsight would be the greatest superhero super power ever, as you would never be wrong. Since that is not a possibility, we make a lot of decisions and form opinions that are just wrong, incorrect, dumb, and sometimes mean. Sometimes when going through a divorce, our ability to make wise decisions about not doing the above really goes out the window. Have you ever found yourself clinging tightly to a belief as if it was the only thing you have left? I know I have. There were times in my divorce when I wanted and needed to be right and my ex wrong just to be able to breathe. Might sound highly exaggerated, but if you have been there and your future world disappeared, you’ll do anything or believe anything to feel “right” and vindicated. Sometimes this leads to “trenching”.
“Trenching: The act of digging a hole deep enough to jump into and not see reality or hear the opinions of others”
OK, I made trenching up. But you get my drift. Just open up Facebook today and you’ll see all kinds of Trenchers, listening to their own voices, and digging deeper into their own validations. During a divorce, there is a lot of Trenching going on…
The Good News is that you didn’t create a missile silo and weld it shut. You can climb out of your hole at any time. You might be deep enough that you need help from a friend. Maybe the person from whom you were hiding and comes in the form of an apology. “Apologies make great ladders” they can take you out of your slump to fresh air and new views of life.
Get Over Yourself
You’re not a Hobbit born to live in a hole with hairy feet. Stand back and look at what you are holding onto so tightly. Divorce sucks, but your marriage ended. Don’t keep digging deeper where you will find nothing but bones (and probably worms). Leave your hole, be open to life, new opportunities, new thoughts and new traditions.
Learn to build roads and bridges, and build others up (yes even your ex) and life will become more full and you will attract positive people into your new life.
With love from a former Hobbit,
P.S. Watch out for other people’s holes… They will try and trap you in their grumpiness and misery…
P.P.S – If you’re reading this.. then I’ll guess you can probably write. My crystal ball also tells me that you have a story that can help someone else move positively through a bad breakup or divorce. You maybe a professional or a participant, whatever it is our community needs your voice. Write from the heart and what comes to mind. I’d love to hear and share your story and pearls or wisdom on moving on. Also fell free to shoot us a question and our team and community can also chime in. Contact us here
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