Weathering the Divorce Storms
Today it’s raining cats & dogs.
Not literally, as that would be strange and cruel (not for the cats as they always land on their feet…), but it is Labor Day, a national vacation, a day off, a time to run free and enjoy the outdoors away from the office and computer. Yipeeeeee….
But then the rain came in the middle of a relaxing run, and I returned home drenched. And it rained for 40 days and well, not really, but basically the whole vacation day. It is easy to get annoyed with mother nature when she interrupts your day off, messes with your plans. It is very easy to focus on the rain and the mud and not on what else it will and can bring. Here in Texas we have our usual endless hot summer drought. But also last week we had a break in the water mains which left us rationing and our gardens turning brown. I look out my window and can already see the return of life.
A divorce can also very much seem like a hurricane that destroys relationships, family, and bank accounts. I have met many that believe that once the storm passes they will be in the emotional clear skies. The truth is that the rumble of thunder, showers, downpours, hail, lightning, and occasional flooding will most probably continue with the growth of your kids and ex after college graduation. Maybe still into the occasional grandchild birthday, Christmas break, or limitless amount of social gatherings until you reach that point, and understand storms do pass. The sun will in fact “come out tomorrow,” and you get to decide that you’re angry that your running shoes are wet or that they needed a cold wash. Life, including your divorce, comes down to your attitude in the long run.
Time to “Turn that Frown Upside Down”
Yes, it is raining on your vacation, but you might also be alone for your first vacation following your divorce. It might be the first time you have been without your kids or not at a family gathering. You have that ache in your chest and pain in your stomach. That is not an easy “frown” to turn. I know as I have been there. There is no pill or quick fix that will get you to where the hurt goes away or you feel less lonely other than time. You need to take this new found alone time to realize where you are, what you are doing, and where you want to go. Looking towards the future and understanding that your wet muddy feet are only temporary are part of the key to moving on. In all things, look at where you are and try and find the positives of where it can take you.
Benefits of a storm
Washes away dirt & tears – Reminds us that we can start again with even the pollen causing our allergy headache being washed down the drain. Take the same opportunity to take stock and wash past anger away.
- Feeds new growth – Even the desert blooms with a little water. You might feel stuck, lost, or walking in circles. Take this time to water your life passions and creative talents. Read, write, draw, or get back to your favorite hobby (unless it’s line dancing… I don’t like line dancing…)
- Signify a season change – Time is the great healer and no matter how hard the downpour and how drenched you feel by life, you also have the opportunity to change yourself and your outlook. Storms will continue to come, so prepare yourself and your attitude to be ready to have fun and jump in some puddles and watch your new garden of opportunities grow.
I’m using my “rain date” to write, and I’m feeling less damp and more positive!
With love and always packing an umbrella,
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FacebookTwitterGoogle+Like32 As a Divorce & Parenting Coach I’m often asked “What is the key to successful co-parenting after divorce?” That’s the million dollar question. And while there is no simple