Who What When Why How
Who What ?
Thanks to my old Grandmaster of sales, the “who, what when, where, why and how” questions were beaten into me for years. These simple starts to open ended questions help investigate and find out what your customer, client or child needs as they cant give a yes or no answer. For example
“Are you ok”? Teen answer – shoulder shrug, grunt, yup…
“How Can I help you”? Teen answer – shoulder shrug, grunt, yup… Normal human – I really need help with XYZ
Starting your sentences with open needed questions is a great way to investigate concerns or dig out and uncover a deeper truth or need.
In a recent shower training session … I was taking a shower… I pondered on these words with regards to asking the question of my own heart and investigated its wants and needs. (For those who know me I apologize for this mental imagery)
WHO – are you looking for?
Million dollar question. I have read and known many friends that have written down and defined their ideal partner (you can read one from last week from IMO contributor Mellissa) and I think it’s great if you can get it to paper… my problem is that the more I learn about myself and build my own “self” back the more this has changed. Post-divorce they might look like 23 year old “Britney’s”* but after five years that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
So Passionate in life and love, honest with self and others, caring and compassionate with all they come in contact with, creative and inspiring, someone that can make me laugh until I cry, adventurous with a lust for life, encouraging, and driven. So I guess Julia Roberts…. And as she’s taken I guess I keep on looking.
WHAT – what are you trying to fill?
An interesting question. Do you have a hole that needs filling? No not the one you dug at the bottom of your yard… I mean do you feel a whole person? Another tip and link. Read the book “The Missing Link and the Big O”. It’s a simple illustration that if you feel like you are trying to fill a need or whole since your breakup, your probably going to fit it with something that only fits for the moment. Like a Band-Aid that once the scar is healed has little value or use. I can speak of this through my own personal journey. What I looked for and needed a half decade ago, has nothing of what I need today. I am a Whole person. I am happy with me. Not satisfied but excited about the journey moving forward. IN other words, I don’t need someone to carry me on my journey, but I would love for someone to join and perhaps show me new paths and adventures.
WHEN – are you ready?
I know I am more ‘ready’ today than I was even just a year ago. As a hopeless romantic, I’m relying on that shooting star/lightning bolt/unicorn sighting… well maybe not that, but I think I will “know”. In hindsight with my ex. I never “knew”, but it grew into something that worked for a long time. This time I’m holding out for my Unicorn sighting.
When do you think or did you know you were ready for your next relationship? I’d love to hear from you, add a comment below.
WHERE – travel far and wide or stay close to home?
The dating mystery of the female global traveler… Why is it on every dating profile you ever read, you girls have to have “passion for travel and adventure”. I travel for a living and have a passion to stay home. That’s not to say I don’t want to explore the jungles of the Amazon, but not every weekend. It’s also interesting from my “research” that the majority of these travelers don’t own a passport.
So where do you find your perfect partner?
Answer – Where your passions meet.
If it’s the North Pole, awesome. If it’s local coffee shop just as good. The key is to keep your eyes open preferably outside your front door doing things you love.
WHY – do you need someone?
Simple – Because it’s much more fun to share memory than look at Selfies. Plus want and need are two very different things. I could survive and life solo but it’s so much more fun with a partner in crime.
How – are you going to find Julia?
Step 1, by not staying home and watching “Notting Hill” or I guess “My Best Friend’s Wedding”. The key is to first find things you love to do with yourself. If it’s hiking, go hike or join a hiking club and meet more people and perhaps the “one” out hiking in the woods. If it’s watching TV…. Well you’re going to have to get out of your comfy chair and your comfort zone and meet people. Join a movie club or help backstage at the local amateur theater. Whatever it is you have to step out your front door and surround yourself with positive people with positive passions.
IN conclusion, we all go through things in life, at work, at home and even through traumatic events like divorce. The key is to learn from them and only repeat the positive bits that lead to more personal growth. So next time you’re in the shower ask yourself some who, what, when, where, why and how questions and open yourself up to answering the difficult questions for your next relationship with Life.
With love and soap,
*Apologies to all those named Britney… Including Spears for this analogy… in a Hit me Baby one more time kind of way.
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FacebookTwitterGoogle+0Like40 Searching for a home during divorce is probably the last thing on your mind as you traverse what sometimes feels like navigating a small rowboat in hurricane at sea.