Why Me? Well…Why Not Me? One Therapist’s Look at Failed Relationships

Why Me? Well…Why Not Me? One Therapist’s Look at Failed Relationships

Do you ever wonder if there’s a light that shines down on certain people and bestows upon them nothing but success in

all areas of life? It sure seems that way sometimes doesn’t it? I’ve had pretty great success with making fantastic friends—I just seem to draw in really awesome people. I’ve also had a pretty successful career life. My success in these areas all stemmed from three factors: genuine caring, my ability to listen well and a keen observation of patterns. It is an art form for me and I’m very grateful for those gifts.

So why should it be that someone who has an innate abilities like these, be so utterly ignorant in intimate relationships? With advanced degrees in psychology and counseling, one would think it would work to my advantage, wouldn’t one? WRONG. Even though I saw the patterns and could even predict the next crazy move of any of my exes, I was always emotionally “blindsided” by the expected behavior.

And so it is with so many friends, family and clients I’ve known throughout the years. Of course there are the rare few that find their lifelong love right away and have wedded bliss until they die. But the rest of us have some battle scars. But my purpose here is to tell you: you’re not alone. Relationships are a hotbed of complex, tangled emotions, ideologies and familial patterns. But you’re not destined to be that person living on repeat. Far from it.

At the end of the failing relationships (and even during a dry spell of no dating at all) I’d inevitably ask why me? Why can’t I get this right? Well, now, with some distance and wisdom (30+ years of dating, marriage, divorce and more dating) under my belt I realize I should’ve been saying why not me? These were all opportunities to get to know who I really am and what I really, really wanted out of an intimate relationship and more importantly, what I had to give. In the entire world of billions of people, I have a unique set of gifts to share with someone who can truly appreciate them.

All of my failures have made me so much more appreciative of what I have now with my beloved of 5 years. Each failed relationship taught me what I would expect from my future beloved; and what I would no longer, under any circumstances settle for in my life. This helped not only in intimate relationships, but in other areas of my life, too.

And this is why I do what I do and why I am fully and totally passionate about what I do. I want to help others find new patterns and new ways of seeing a more predictable life path. Life is constantly showing us evidence of where to go and what to do. We just have to learn to see them and know their validity. I look forward to answering your questions and getting to know you! it’s going to be a wonderful, clear pathway to a brighter future than you could possibly imagine.

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About author

Krisandra Parsons
Krisandra Parsons 3 posts

My specialty is using Forensic Psychology integrated with Positive Psychology. It is a completely new concept that we’ve trademarked as Positive Forensics. Unlike the type of forensics that most people are used to (criminal forensics), I use forensics to discover the evidence that supports your talents and strengths. Unlike traditional therapy, which I subscribed to for 15 years, working with Positive Forensics has had a tremendous impact on my professional work with my clients. Using this proprietary process has increased the effectiveness of therapy and shortened the length of time of therapy by more than 50%. Call or Email Krisandra Parsons for a free phone consultation now or call (214) 307-8459.

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  1. Mark Demos
    January 04, 10:34 Reply
    What a great article. When you open your life and believe that you can have what you long for, amazing things happen. I know because it happened to me just like, exactly like Krisandra descibed.
  2. Jesse Yusufu
    January 12, 15:30 Reply
    I like this article. Often times, we question ourselves. Why always me? Now, I have learnt something today. I am addicted to this website.
  3. Chris
    January 19, 17:59 Reply
    The whole why me/why not me idea can be applied to so many different areas in life, I've found. The first time I actually heard someone say it was several years ago when I was very young. I was a at a family party and someone asked a relative of mine who has multiple sclerosis if she ever asked "why me?" Her response was "no, I ask why not me?" And all these years later, I've never forgotten that.
  4. Kyla Jill
    February 12, 08:55 Reply
    I encountered those scenarios as well when I have to question my life that way. Eventually, I learned that the hardest lessons I've learned are the ones that shaped me into something extraordinary. I found my direction in life and I was led both by blessings and tribulations.
    • Thom Slade
      February 12, 10:50 Reply
      Kyla, Would love to hear more about your blessings and tribulations. Get your pen out this weekend and send us your story. Thom
  5. Kendall O
    March 04, 00:15 Reply
    Relationships are NEVER easy! The process leaves us all with a few bruises, but I love how you’ve seen the whole process as a self-growth where you begin to know your true self and find a true partner in the process.

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