“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.”

Nothing good has ever come from worrying about the status of your relationship. I’ve lost count of the number of men and women who started a conversation with me by saying “It all

started when I started to suspect he/she was cheating.” With that one sentence they’ve told me more about their situation than they probably originally intended.

When I was in high school, I was obsessed with the idea of love. I felt sure that my first boyfriend and I would be together for the rest of our lives and nothing could tear that apart. Until I got bored and started to think the same thing about my second and third.

By the time I met who I consider to be my first actual boyfriend, that’s when I started to notice something about myself. I was an extremely self-centered teen and if all of his attention wasn’t on me, my mind would begin to wander and all kinds of terrible thoughts would pass through my head.

Clearly if he wasn’t answering my text messages he was texting some other girl. If he didn’t answer my calls after one ring he was trying to keep another girl quiet enough to answer me without me suspecting anything. God forbid he didn’t answer because then I knew for sure he was cheating on me and that lead to the explosion of text messages and psycho calling that would eventually lead to my break up.

None of these break ups were ever my fault though. My irrational worrying and fears were completely justified and when I saw then start dating someone new as most teenagers will do, their happiness ate away at me and justified my fears that they must have wanted someone else the whole time and I’d just saved myself some real heartache.

Let’s not even get started on the dreams. I swear with one of my past boyfriends I had a dream that he was cheating on me and laughing behind my back that was so vivid, I screamed at him in the middle of the quad about the things he was doing with this imaginary girl as if I was some kind of psychic that could see the future and if I was dreaming this, it would happen!

The truth is that my worrying and behavior were the true causes of my relationship problems and I’ve seen it countless times as I’ve grown older. The more you think about your fears, the easier it is to succumb to them and sometimes worrying about the worst possible thing can bring it about.

Trusting your gut isn’t always the best advice in certain situations. Some people say they just knew that something was off about their marriage and sometimes they’re completely right, but more often they aren’t and those are the people who will unintentionally push their partner away and possibly into the arms of another person who is able to handle being with another person in a more adult way.

Have you ever let an irrational fear dictate the way you’ve treated a partner? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done in a relationship that seemed rational at the time but later you realized was completely brought on by worry? I’ve shared my little corner of crazy, not it’s time to share yours.

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-Tori

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1 Comment

  1. Britanica
    October 20, 13:53 Reply
    It is amazing what worry can do. More often than not, worry is the liar in our heads. It tells us things that just aren't true. Really, I view it as a wall. People who worry more than others tend to feel the need to hide and be on guard from being hurt. This is something that stems from a young age. It is a learned behavior and very hard to over come if you don't stop it while you are still young.

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